I'm only 25 years old. Yes, she is still alive and well.
As you can imagine, I have very torn feelings about this particular day. It makes me thankful, yet re-opens wounds I constantly wished to keep closed and hidden. I've often wondered: Do you celebrate Mother's Day when your mom isn't there? Lately, I've wondered: Do you celebrate Mother's Day when your only child has recently died? What is this day all about anyways and what makes someone a mother?
Every Mother's Day, for as long as I can remember, I've thanked God for the mom he has given me. Yet, I have also wept. A lot.
I've often wept because I envied those who had their mothers always near to help, teach, and guide them. Always near to love and cherish them. Always there to encourage and cheer along life's journey. Always there as a shoulder to cry on or someone with whom to share extreme joy. Always there to encourage in the lord. Always...there. Just there.
I wanted those memories so many other girls and ladies had, and I wanted the relationship they had. I wanted that for myself with my mother.
After my parents divorce and I moved to live with my father. Since then, Every Mother's Day Sunday service, I would listen to our pastor tell the congregation about mothers and how special they are, only making me miss my own and wish certain circumstances concerning my relationship with her were different. I would watch children give gifts to their mom, plan dinner dates together and go on special outings just to celebrate the day.
I was so focused on what I wanted and wished for, that I often failed to see that where there seemed to be a "lack" in my life for that motherly role, God had always provided someone to fill in the gap when my own mother, for a time, could not. One particular mother taught me to sow. Another mother taught me to cook. Another taught me about being pure and dressing in a dignified way. Another one taught me to love others. Another taught me to love the Lord. Others invested their life and time into me, although they had children of their own. They adopted me as their own and showed me what it was like to have a mother on a daily basis. They took me shopping and adopted me as their daughters at the infamous mother daughter banquets.They loved me, wanted the best for me, allowed me to tell them my burdens, and encouraged me all the way through every major decision and trial my life. They never judged me or where I came from. They simply poured some of their life into mine, prayed for me, and showed me how to be a lady.
God saw the need and he provided. I'm forever grateful that he did.
Being a bit older now, I am also thankful that my relationship with my own mother has been re established. I love her so much. I'm saddened that we missed so many years together, but so thankful for what we have now. I'm thankful that in a world where mothers are now given the choice to keep their children, my mother kept me and did so much more for me. Even through trials, with her I've learned to love despite the circumstances. That love is not always just words, but an action.
I'm glad there is a day to celebrate mothers and to remind us of of how special they are. But, I wish people would not end it there. It is more than just a day. Mothers are mothers every day and some are "mothers" to children who are not even their own. Although I do not have my child on this earth with me, I am still a mother and I will celebrate this day with my husband. I may not have had the privilege to "mother" my own child at this time, but there are plenty in our neighborhood in need of that motherly figure I so desperately wanted when I was younger.
To my own mother - I love you so very much and i am so thankful that God gave me you. Thank you for giving me the gift of entering this world and, although we are constantly far from one another, for loving me and keeping me in your thoughts and prayers.
To my many other mothers- thank you for your much needed love, guidance and teaching. Please keep finding other young ladies in need and pour your life into them. Please, keep teaching them according to Titus 2:3-5, as many other have invested into me.
"The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed."